I don't know what to say, but obviously, I'm saying it anyways.
This is my second journal for the night. It's more of a victory celebration, and I don't know why. There's this great girl I know on Tumblr. Her name's Cassie, and she got to meet Tom Hiddleston at the War Horse premiere. I don't know why, but when I read her wonderful story about it, I started to cry, and I mean, really cry. Normally, I'd go off on a jealous rant about how I should've met him instead, but I didn't feel any of that. For some reason, I know that I was never meant to go to the premiere and I'm perfectly ok with that. I would've hidden under the nearest rock when Tom came by anyways. Cassie is unfairly getting a lot of jealous hate from other Hiddlestoners, and it's not right.
But while I read this, reblogged it, and cried a few more tears, I still didn't know why. I went back to my dashboard and saw that it was full of pictures of Adam Young. Then it hit me. I was sobbing then, as one of the pictures form the Allentown concert flashed up, and I saw Adam in that moose hat that a friend of mine had thrown up to him. I could hear the music from the concert coming back to me, since I know all of Adam's songs by heart and sobbed the whole way through the concert because I was so happy to be there. It was so surreal, it was like it didn't even really happen. Then I saw my owl hat, THE owl hat, on my bedroom dresser.
Then I remembered. I remember Adam smiling and pointing to my hat, and knowing that he knew, even if it was just for one brief second, that I exist. I could hear that same little voice in the back of my head, that still small voice, saying, "See? I didn't forget you. I have plans for you beyond your wildest dreams. Just let go and let Me help you because you can't do this on your own. You see what's already happened in your life? You have no idea how hard it's going to be, but it's also going to be good."
Here I am, still crying. God gave me a family, even though my birth was an accident and my parents almost got rid of me. I wasn't supposed to happen. My parents are poor kids from crazy families who have turned their backs on my parents. I always dreamed of having a horse, ever since my mom used to sing that lullaby to me about riding horses. My favorite stuffed animal, in lieu of a teddy bear, was a brown horse with two white socks and a drippy looking white star on its forehead. That horse got lost when I was ten, and I haven't seen it since. My parents scrounged enough money together to pay for riding lessons when I was 11. I rode until I was 13, then I moved. I had always been friendless, a doomed loner in my old town. A week before I moved in, I met my twin, Emily. Life has never been the same since. On my 14th birthday, I got my brown horse back, except this time, she was real, a very real 15 and ½ hands tall, snorting, and beautiful.
I got the horse I'd always wanted. I got the friend I'd always wanted. God does provide! He got me this far, and I've wanted to be a famous author since I was six, which is when I wrote my first short story.
This year has been insane, but it's been good. I worked hard all summer and fall for my father. I got my iPhone. I started 7 books, abandoned 3, and haven't finished any of them. I am currently working on my first screenplay. I've completed 4 undergraduate's college courses in Astrophysics, and have read all the writing, acting, screenplay, and how to books I can get my hands on and then some. I went to an Owl City concert. Let's see what I can get done before 2011 is over. Besides, I've been able to resist chocolate all day long. I'm getting better at this.
Tomorrow is a new day. Let's give it a shot.